Aaaanyyhooo.. you remember the new advertisement campaign by KFC lately? You know, how this one other guy is telling the other guy who's holding that piece of crap and said "Wah.. you can rreaaaaallllyyy eat ar??". Well, I pity the guy who's holding the bugger (it's not a typo error, bitch). Seriously. He probably thought that he was the smarter fuck who will get a more satisfying meal than his friend who'll be eating a banana leaf meal. Man, how wrong was he. So how did I know? Coz I got sucked by the misleading world of advertising of course. Technically that is. You see, my friend/colleague was on the way back from his banking rounds and he called to ask if I would like to have some munch for lunch. So I said yes. And being the nice guy that he is, he probably thought that we'll both be very happy if we could get our hands on some satisfying, cholestrol laden meal. A very nice thought indeed. So he suggested *Jeng jeng jeng!* The TRIPLE X BURGER!!! *Jeng jeng jeng!* Not convinced? Check this out :
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Scene 1 : Geek with a huge-ass burger in hand. Trying to stuff his face with that piece of poo. Notice how his face is half covered by the burger? And how the cheese juts out nicely in two triangular piece?
Scene 2a : Cheese pops onto the bun, follow by two alien looking deep fried shit slamming on top of the cheese. "Slamming" coz the bun actually wobbles a little after the drop. Notice that there are no gaps in between the two patties.
Scene 2b : Topped off with two huge ass tomato slices, lettuce and a squeezeful of creamy diarrhoea juice.
Scene 3 : For big appetites it seems.
HOW THE HELL CAN YOU NOT FALL FOR THAT?! C'mon man, burgers with all those kick ass stuff and you don't even have the slightest urge to at least try one?! You must be broke or you're homo. And I'm sorry for you if you're either one. Well, to make things really clear here, I'm definitely not one of em and I want a piece of that shit, I promised myself that. So what better way to have it by way of a personal delivery? Perfect. Hot afternoon? Perfect. Growling stomach. Perfect. Almost done with quotations. Perfect. Car's approaching the parking bay. And door opens. In comes the above mentioned friend. Walking in a pace that you would think he's actually tempting you further, with the swinging plastic bag filled with goodies on each side.
"Nah! Chiak, chiak, chiak!" *
*"Here! Eat, eat, eat!" (Yea, us Hokkien people are still quite behind civilization by means of communication)
Plastic bag opens and there I was, grabbing a big ass bite. And that was the exact moment when I felt that I actually wallop half that shit with the first bite. "What the fuck?!" I thought to myself. And I decided to go CSI with this burger. Coz it just feels wrong. To my horror, this was what I saw! *Jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng!*
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If you can spot the patty, approach any eye drop company and be their ambassador. You'll be rich and eat better burgers than this. Seriously. I mean, how the hell can they even name this the Triple X? Cross check with the images i loaded earlier. Cheese? Patties? Lettuce? Tomatos? Triple X my balls? As a matter of fact, I would actually call this the Cripple X. Check out the gap between one patty to another. Put a traffic light in the middle and I'm sure we can ease some traffic problems off the PLUS Highway. As of now, I think Ramli Burger* is the most honest in the advertising campaign by far. Their advertising direction? You got it... none. Because they can't shout how big their patties are. So they might as well just shut the hell up and leave it to the burger stalls to do the selling.
*Ramli Burger : Local burger with unindentified form of mince meat with occasional chunks. Ooey, Gooey, but delicious.
So what's the solution? An honest to goodness advertising campaign of course. And if I were to head a TV commercial for Cripple X, it'll probably go like this:
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Boy : Hmm.. ane, nasi kasi mari..
Boy : Yea, gimme that, and that, and this, and that.. yea...
Boy : Heh..mm..yummy.. *stomach growls* heh..heh..
Boy : Huh?
Boy : *Pooooottt * Stomach growls again*
Boy : Wah! Why are you not eating?! You not hungry ar?!
Voice Over : Cripple X burgers, for big apes who pays for our burgers.
Indian man : Dei! Next time you want to snack, be a man and eat our curry puffs la! Yennadei!
There you go, my attempt at making an ad for the upcoming Kancil Awards. Hopefully they have a "Most Honest TV Commercial" category in their awards. Pretty fucking sure my great idea will be a hit. Oh yeah, Happy Chinese New Year to you guys out there. Go ahead and enjoy your holidays. Go try your luck and gamble some away. Perhaps I'll be back with a Prosperity Burger post....
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