Aaannnyyyhooo... the inspiration for this post came from an after-lunch-let's-get-lazy-and-skip-work coffee session with my Cambodia comrade : The almighty Jerry from Hong Kong, the land of snobbish whores. But wait, Jerry ain't snobbish, he's just well, a whore. Like everyone of us I guess. So just before we start bitching again (this time, the word "bitch" do come of significance in this post), let me just plug a few words of appreciation for my comrades here. Yes, comrade"s" coz I DO have friends over here. Mark and Jerry, this is to you. The metaphor of you guys being a man's best friends. Hold on, did I hear someone shouting "HOMO!" behind the computer? Yea, fuck you too, you fucking blowjob!
FOOH~! HOOH!! DAamnn! AAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAA!!! Assooowahhcakalakalaka! OOhhmmaiyablahblahwalaneh! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Ok, anger aside and cutey, happy, la la hello kitty time. Check this cute little thing here:
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Isn't it cute? How nice is it to you know, bring it to an al-fresco cafe, sip some nice cool smoothies then cuddle around with it. Asking it a cute and stupid question like "What are you doing, huh? What are you doing, you little cutey munchy? How are you? Hmm? You hungry? You wanna eat? What is 3+4x79/45, huh?" Wouldn't that be nice?
But do you know what would be better?
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Yup, locking the bitch up because that's where it's suppose to be.
It never fails to piss the shit, and I'm talking about diarrhea kinda shit out of me whenever a girl or occasionally a gay (or sometimes a gay who pretends to like guys but is actually interested in girls coz it's easier to get closer to them), dress their shitszuo-what in a freaking honeybee suit and chuck them right in the middle of a coffee table so everyone can see it? Or worst still, they actually go indoor. Yes, INDOOR, and let that smut get comfortable on the couch where HUMANS are suppose to sit?
You see, coming from a country where dogs are supposedly some sort of a taboo to the Malay races, these ignorant bitches, both the owner and the dogs do not seem to understand that pets are just pests when they're placed in an area meant for humans. What were they thinking? That their pets are actually quite "human" too coz it can take a poo by itself in the garden? That they're no different than anyone of us human beings? That they're like a family coz the puppy eat the same freaking stir fry pork fat with cabbage that they eat at home? I mean c'mon man. Haven't they heard of allergy, or cynophobia* or in my case of point, racial respect? See? I'm a good person too. I care. I do.
*go look that word up in case you're that dumb fuck with the dog constantly on the coffee table in a cafe somewhere
And when you tell them that, they go all berserk and start defending themselves by saying "She's clean, ok? She doesn't shed even a single strand of coat, ok?" C'mon man, let's get real here. If the dog doesn't shed, how does a pale looking golden retriever puppy turns into a gold looking golden retriever dog/bitch when they grow up? And fleas? You must be kidding if you say that it doesn't have fleas at all. Yea, sad news. Your dog is now an official disease bearer. Being surrounded by ignorants, let me just give you my pet peeves, literally. And please, dear god, please justify it with your own logic.
1. They do a lip locking french with the dog,
2. They sleep with it and it's alright when it chews a fucking chicken bone given to them from yesterday's dinner next to the pillow they sleep on (it's true, ask Jerry),
3. They let them shit in the room and goes "How cute, he's taking a dump next to my cupboard, an improvement coz last night it crapped on my bed",
4. They buy a fucking overpriced imported french vanilla ice cream, take a lick, then let the dog lick it, then lick it again themselves. I encourage the act of sharing, but this? My dog's considered lucky even if it gets to eat my locally produced sugar cone crumbs off my floor,
5. Last but not least, sending them to "pet salons".
The last time I remembered, my mom used dish washer to give that dog a bath. It's gonna stink in a couple of days time anyway, so why bother using SK-9 (got that? SK-II for canine, SK-9. Damn, I'm a genius!) for that "silky smooth shiny coat". It's still gonna stink tomorrow. But mind you, I do like dogs as well. Well, not in that beastaility kinda way, you morons. I like cuddling them, but that is it. You feel good, they feel good. You go to sleep. It gets locked outside of the house. It's fine. It's a universal sense. Pets need to have a function. You wanna get affectionate with another living being, go to Svay Pak, St. 11 in Cambodia (well, I don't know if they have gigolos there, but you can try).
So, what's my conclusion? The people who did what I stated here endures the follow conditions:
1. They're lonely,
2. They're lacked of attention,
3. They LOVE animals, in a sick kinda way now,
4. All of the above.
And what's my solution?
1. Get a REAL life partner. They're smarter. Seriously. The actually poop in the toilet.
2. Get a webcam and join a community in I don't know, seemenakedathome.com
3. Get a REAL life partner. They actually enjoy themselves when you are.
4. Do all of the above.
So the next time you wanna go to a cafe to read a chic-lit and have no other choice but to bring Sparky out because your house mate is not around or your mom is sick of taking care of it, do this:
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Bobby, sleep! Now that's a good dog.
Or if you're someone who's as lacked of attention like me (yes, I do suffer the condition as well), try this :
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Meet Hairy, my house pet. And yes, I still lock him up and I don't share my dinner with him.
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